Baby Shower Etiquette In One Scorecard

Baby shower etiquette is a subject that often feels like walking a tightrope between old-school tradition and modern flexibility.

We know that navigating these social waters can be stressful, which is why we have simplified the entire process into a single, easy-to-follow scorecard format. Our goal is to set clear expectations and help you feel confident in every decision you make. In this guide, we will break down common scenarios into points-based behaviors.

Let’s take a look at the rules of the game and see how you score on the etiquette scale.

Quick Links:

• Scorecard Rules 📋
• Baby Shower Etiquette Scores 🔢
• Outdoor Etiquette Extra Credit 🎉
• Decor Etiquette 🧸
• Food Etiquette 🍽️
• Baby Shower Setup ✨
• FAQs

Scorecard Rules 📋

To help you with this guide, we have established a simple scoring system that categorizes common actions based on their impact on the guest of honor and the overall atmosphere of the event.  We believe that good manners should make others feel at ease.

• +2 Points = Thoughtful: These are the gold-standard moves that show you have gone above and beyond to be helpful, kind, and organized.
• 0 Points = Optional: These actions are perfectly acceptable to skip or include depending on your personal preference or the specific vibe of the shower.
• -2 Points = Awkward: These are the social faux pas that can cause stress for the host, confusion for the guests, or discomfort for the parents-to-be.

Simply follow the guide below to see where your current plans or habits land on our baby shower etiquette scorecard.

---

Baby Shower Etiquette Scores 🔢

Use the sections below to check your plans (or your guest habits) and see what earns “thoughtful” points, what is totally optional, and what tends to create awkward moments. The goal is to make the parents-to-be and the host feel supported.

Guest Etiquette For RSVPs 👥

Mastering baby shower etiquette for guests starts long before the actual party begins. The RSVP is the single most important piece of communication you will handle, as it directly impacts the host’s budget and seating plan. We always recommend responding as soon as you check your calendar to ensure you don’t forget.

• +2 RSVP on time: Replying by the requested date is the ultimate “thoughtful” move. It allows the host to finalize food orders and favors without chasing people down.
• -2 Show up without confirming: Arriving as a surprise guest is an “awkward” move that can leave the host scrambling for an extra chair or plate of food.
• “Say this” script: “Thank you so much for the invite! I wouldn’t miss it for the world—count me in.”
• “Say this” script: “I’m so bummed I can’t make it to celebrate in person, but I’ll be sending something special for the little one!”

If you are looking for baby shower invitation wording ideas or wondering when to have a baby shower, keeping the RSVP process simple for your guests is the best way to ensure a high “positive point” turnout.

Hosting Etiquette: Who Pays 💵

Determining who throws a baby shower and who pays for a baby shower is one of the most common questions we encounter. Traditionally, a close friend or a distant relative hosted to avoid the appearance of the immediate family “asking” for gifts. However, modern etiquette has evolved significantly.

• Modern hosting options: Today, it is perfectly acceptable for sisters, mothers, or even the parents-to-be themselves to host. In fact, many people ask, “Can you throw your own baby shower?” and the answer is a resounding yes, provided you frame it as a celebration of the new arrival.
• Common cost splits: Often, a group of bridesmaids or close friends will co-host and split the costs of the venue, food, and decor to keep the financial burden light on everyone.
• Polite “ask for help” script: “I would love to host a shower for [Name]. Would you be interested in co-hosting with me so we can make it a really special day together?”

The key is clear communication from the start regarding the budget. If you are starting from scratch, checking out our guide on how to plan a baby shower can help you organize these details early on.

Guest List Etiquette 📋

Curating the perfect guest list requires a delicate balance of family obligations and personal friendships. We find that the most successful showers focus on the people who will actually be in the baby’s life.

• Who to invite: Focus on close friends, immediate family, and supportive colleagues. If the parents-to-be are close with their cousins and aunts, include them, but don’t feel obligated to invite the entire extended family tree.
• Who not to invite to your baby shower: Avoid inviting people you haven’t spoken to in over a year or coworkers you don’t socialize with outside of the office. This isn’t a networking event; it’s an intimate celebration.
• Coed guidance: Are baby showers just for women? Not anymore! “Jack and Jill” showers are incredibly popular and allow both parents to celebrate with their full support systems.

When deciding who to invite to a baby shower, we suggest letting the guest of honor review the list. This prevents any “awkward” -2 point moments where an estranged relative or an ex-partner accidentally makes the cut.

Gift Etiquette 🎁

Gift-giving is often the source of the most “awkward” point deductions if not handled with care. The primary question we hear is: Do you have to bring a gift to a baby shower? While your presence is the most important thing, a gift is a standard gesture of support for the new parents.

• Gift necessity: While not “mandatory” in a legal sense, skipping a gift is generally considered a social faux pas unless the invitation explicitly states “no gifts, please.”
• How much to give for a baby shower: For a casual acquaintance or coworker,30–30–30–50 is standard. For a close friend or family member, 50–50–50–150 is common.
• Group gift etiquette: If a high-ticket item like a stroller is on the registry, +2 points for organizing a group gift where everyone chips in 20–20–20–30 to buy the “big” item together.

Don’t forget to include a heartfelt note with your gift. If you’re stuck, we have plenty of baby shower wishes and messages to help you find the right words.

What To Bring Etiquette 🛍️

Knowing exactly what to bring to a baby shower ensures you walk through the door feeling prepared. We like to think of this as the “three-part bring” strategy to maximize your thoughtful points.

• The Gift: Ideally, something from the registry. If you go off-registry, make sure it is something practical like diapers or a high-quality swaddle.
• The Card: A physical card is essential, even if you are giving a gift card. It provides a keepsake for the parents to look back on.
• The Helpful Extra: Bringing a printed copy of your gift receipt or attaching a “diaper raffle” ticket if one was included in the invite earns you +2 points for being exceptionally organized.

If you are struggling with the card portion, our guide on what to write in a baby shower card can provide the perfect inspiration to accompany your gift.

Guest Etiquette During The Shower 👥

Once you arrive, baby shower guest etiquette is all about being present and supportive. This is the “game time” where your score can really soar or dip based on your social interactions.

• Arrival timing: Arriving 5–10 minutes early is fine, but never arrive more than 15 minutes before the start time, as the host is likely still setting up. Arriving more than 30 minutes late is a -2 point move.
• Games participation: Even if you aren’t a “game person,” +2 points for participating with a smile. It makes the host’s hard work feel valued.
• Photo/Social Media manners: Always ask the parents-to-be before posting photos of them or the decor on social media. Some prefer to keep the day private.
• Gift-opening manners: If the mother-to-be is opening gifts, stay focused and offer a compliment. Avoid side conversations that distract from her moment.

To make the games more engaging, we recommend the host look into diaper raffle game rules and select exciting prizes for baby shower games to keep guest enthusiasm high.

Thank-You Etiquette 🤝

The celebration isn’t over until the gratitude is expressed. Thank-you note etiquette is the final piece of the scorecard, and it rests primarily on the shoulders of the guest of honor (or the host, if the shower was for them).

• Timing: Aim to send out thank-you notes within 2–3 weeks of the shower. Sending them after the baby arrives is understandable, but much harder to manage!
• Template 1: “Dear [Name], thank you so much for the beautiful [Gift]. It’s going to look perfect in the nursery, and we can’t wait for you to meet the little one!”
• Template 2: “Dear [Name], we were so happy you could join us for the shower. Your presence made the day so special, and thank you for the generous [Gift]!”

A handwritten note is always +2 points compared to a text or email.

Outdoor Etiquette Extra Credit 🎉

When planning an outdoor event, baby shower etiquette takes on an extra layer of logistical responsibility. We believe that an outdoor setting is one of the most beautiful ways to celebrate, but it requires a “thoughtful” approach to guest comfort to earn those extra credit points.

• Shade and Seating: Ensure there is enough shade for everyone, especially for elderly guests or the mother-to-be. Renting umbrellas or choosing a park with a natural canopy is a +2 point move.
• Restroom Plan: If hosting in a backyard or park, make sure the path to the restroom is clear, clean, and accessible.
• Food Safety Basics: According to the USDA FSIS, food should never stay in the “Danger Zone” (between 40°F and 140°F) for more than two hours. If it’s over 90°F outside, that time drops to just one hour. Use ice baths for cold items and chaffing dishes for hot ones.
• Weather Backup: Always have a “Plan B” (like a tent or an indoor backup location) and communicate this to guests on the invitation.

If you are looking for inspiration, our outdoor baby shower ideas can help you plan. We also specialize in creating stunning beach baby shower picnics in LA, OC, or Malibu, as well as park baby shower picnic setups, backyard baby shower picnic setups, and even tea party baby shower setups for a more refined outdoor experience.

---

Decor Etiquette 🧸

Decor sets the mood, but it should never come at the expense of guest comfort or the flow of the party. We recommend a “less is more” approach that focuses on quality over quantity.

• Comfort-First Decor: Ensure that centerpieces aren’t so tall that guests can’t see each other across the table.
• Photo Moment Tips: +2 points for creating a dedicated “photo op” area with good lighting. This keeps the rest of the party space clear of “paparazzi” bottlenecks.
• Table Flow Tips: Arrange the food and drink stations so that a line can form without blocking the entrance or the seating area.

For those wanting a specific aesthetic, we love boho baby shower decor ideas for their relaxed yet elevated vibe. We can also assist with professional baby shower tablescape styling to ensure your event looks magazine-ready.

---

Food Etiquette 🍽️

The menu is often what guests remember most. Being a “thoughtful” host means considering the dietary needs of your guests while keeping the service style simple.

• Brunch Pros: Hosting a brunch is often more budget-friendly and fits the “daytime celebration” vibe of a baby shower perfectly.
• Allergy Labeling: +2 points for placing small cards next to dishes identifying common allergens like nuts, dairy, or gluten.
• Guest Contributions: Only ask guests to bring a dish if it is a casual “potluck” style shower. If you are hosting a formal event, you should provide the meal.

However, if a close friend offers to bring their “famous” dessert, it’s perfectly okay to say yes!

We have plenty of baby shower food ideas and specific baby shower brunch planning tips to help you curate a menu that everyone will enjoy.

---

Baby Shower Setup ✨

We know that mastering every detail of baby shower etiquette can feel like a full-time job. From coordinating the perfect outdoor layout to ensuring every guest feels pampered, the logistics can quickly overshadow the joy of the occasion.

That is exactly where we come in. We are passionate about creating stress-free, beautiful celebrations that allow you to focus on the moments that matter most.

If you are looking to host an unforgettable event without the stress of setup and cleanup, we would love to help. Whether you are envisioning a luxury baby shower picnic setup in Los Angeles and Orange County or a chic backyard tea party, we handle the heavy lifting.

Let us take care of the “thoughtful” details so you can simply show up and enjoy the high-score celebration you deserve. Reach out to us today to start planning your dream baby shower.

FAQs

Do you have to bring a gift to a baby shower?

Yes, it is standard etiquette to bring a gift to a baby shower to support the parents-to-be. While your presence is valued, a gift is a tangible way to help them prepare for their new arrival. If you are on a budget, a small, practical item or a thoughtful book is perfectly acceptable and appreciated.

How much to give for a baby shower if you are close vs not close?

If you are a close friend or family member, spending between $50 and $150 on a baby shower gift is typical. For a coworker, neighbor, or casual acquaintance, a range of $30 to $50 is perfectly appropriate. The most important factor is choosing something useful that fits comfortably within your personal financial means.

Are baby showers just for women anymore?

No, modern baby showers are increasingly inclusive and “coed.” Many couples now opt for a “Jack and Jill” style celebration, where both parents-to-be can celebrate with their entire support network, including male friends and family. This shift reflects a more modern approach to shared parenting and community celebration for the new baby.

Can you throw your own baby shower without it feeling awkward?

Yes, you can absolutely throw your own baby shower. To keep it from feeling like a “gift grab,” we recommend framing the event as a “Welcome Baby” party or a casual celebration of this new chapter. Many modern parents prefer to host themselves to ensure the guest list and vibe perfectly match their personal style.

Who pays for a baby shower if there are multiple hosts?

When multiple people co-host, the costs are typically split evenly among the group. This includes the venue, catering, decor, and any activities. It is essential to have an open conversation about the budget before any purchases are made to ensure everyone is comfortable with their financial contribution and that the planning remains a positive experience.